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| FUCK!!!! I still haven''t stoped updating this so for the few who still use there xanga have fun reading this rant. Alright, with that done i can begin this blog. How can you
trust someone anymore when they have been lying for you for 18 years. I
never understood why my brother liked my dad, i would always get on him
because he was such a prick to him. With Ian out of the house, and my
father moving back in, i now understand why he hated him. I love my
father, but he lied to me for so long about his childhood. He would
always get on us saying we have it better then he ever did. My mother
told me last night that was a bunch of shit, my dad lived a privliged
childhood, he had everything, a car, didn't have a job until college.
He would tell me he was broke, and all that good shit, why lie to your
son about something that stupid, why? I'ts a bunch of shit, i found
what a hypocrite he is. When he lived down the street, he would give us
shit about "helping" around the house, and all that jazz, now with him
in the house all he does is bitch, and sit and watch tv. I hate my home
life with him, he is making everything so tense about my life, getting
on me about every little fucking thing. It seems that i cannot please
that man, he pretty much told me that im going to be stuck working in a
factory, or something on those terms like that because im not
"foucousing" on school first, guess what i didn't know what my major
was until tonight. I think i am going to become a History major, wth a
minor in political science. Yeah, continue telling me that you were
blue coller and that shit, guess what i know the truth. Sorry i felt
like i needed to rant about that man. It seems with my brother out of
the house i can actualy talk to him. It's weird i hated him for so
long, now it feels like i can call him my brother and not say something
hateful towords him. The last few weeks have been extremely rough on
me, ive worked way to much, i haven't enjoyed my home life at all,
neither has any of us, we have been torn apart by my father, adam and
myself, have pretty much stayed in our rooms, if im ever home, im
usually not home anymore because everytime i get here i want to destroy
something. If i have a good day, it immediatly gets destroyed when i
get home. I look at my mom and i can tell she is unhappy, but its not
like we can kick him out, he is out of a job because he chooses to be,
he quit, (don't bitch about not having a job when you quit a prefect
job) and refuses to do anything else becacuse he is stubborn as hell.
(Wonder where i get that from) I'm seriously just fed up and my tells
me everything will be ok, when i know she doesn't know and i can tell
she has been crying what can i do besides hold it in. If i tell him how
it is my home life will get worse. Ok im done with my dad, ugggh, i
just need to get away. I'm not depressed by any means, i have a good
life, awesome friends, its just..... i don't know.....HELP | | |
| Alright... so the last week really made me hate the fact that i am growing up and i really don't know what i want to do with my life. I think i want to become a psychratrist, but that is still up in the air. I might want to go into business, or something, like i said it is all up in the air. A few days ago i went to dennys with a few friends, and it ended up to be Logan, Madison, and Myself, and we had a good conversation it's just that it really got me thinking about what the hell i want to do in my life, and i not sure i just got really sad the next day. I know i wasn't the only one feeling like that either. Ehh, im not sure, we just need to get someone we know to make millions and millions of dollars and we all live in a huge freaking mansion. This weekend was good, but again really sad for me. I got to see Jake, that was sweet i missed hanging out with him. I was sad i didn't get to see david, Kira, or Megan. That sucks, but odds are i will be able to see them sometime before the year ends. I really miss hanging out with Jake, Phil, April, and that group of people. It's been a while since we got to hang out in jakes basement, but it was awesome. Work now has its up and downs. It gets boring because most of the time i am by myself, but it is way better then being a bagger, i guess it is a fair trade. This weekend got me thinking about friends, ive lost touch with way to many people, and i have missed to many people. I dont IM people or call people for the most part, i am going to change that now. I wish summer would come, and everyone would be home. If i have lost touch with you please get into contact with me and lets talk about life. Call or im me it would be nice to hear from you 508-4482 or IM me via themlown
thank you
Scott McDermitt
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| (Long Rambling Post, contains cuss words galore)
Ohh, where to start. Xanga is a dying thing and i don't like it. I would prefer this over myspace any day of the week. Just a start, i thought i would just get that out there, and why not its my blog i will do what i want and say what i want. So today i was searching myspace because kroger wanted to be cool send me home and let me work tommorow instead, but off topic i know i see girls profile and over 90% said "I want to meet a true gentlemen because they don't exist anymore." Fuck you women,
- They do exist, and a good portion of my friends are gentlemen
- Most of you are fucking little kids, of course they arn't gentlemen there kids not men
- Get to know the people and then make your judgements
- Most Importantly FUCK OFF
I know that came out of left field, but it's beggining to just irratate me when girls say that there are never any good guys around. We do fucking exist, and i could name a shit load of them for you. Ok im just rambling and i have had a few beers, so yeah im pretty much typing whatever comes up in my head. I'm beggining to feel like certain people are alienating people because she had a failed relationship with one of it's group members. I feel like that is stupid, why end a good friendship because you and a person's relationship didn't work out. I'm not going to initiate conversations with you just because i feel like you don't want to be friends with me. I dont know if you feel the same way but, im throwing my feelings out there. On another note if you dont like a guy, then why stay with him? Seriously, i see some amazing girls stay with a guy just because they have been going out for an extended period of time. If you don't like him grow something and just say dump him. God it happens, fuck it just fucking do it dammit.. fuck. I'm becoming a very bitter person and I'm not liking it at all. Like latly i have been just on the verge of snapping on certain people, but i just hold it in somewhat and be nice. I just end the conversation usualy very uprubably and just say fuck it and leave. I know i should be more honest about how i feel and whatnot, but its harder then what it sounds. When i finally walk into my house for the finale time and i just end up just going downstairs and beating the shit out of a punching bag. I know its not a good thing, but it gets my frustration out, and i like it. My punching bag is starting to break though, because on the really rough days i tend to take random objects, and just beat the bag with it. What sucks is i always tend to fall for the wrong girl, at the wrong time. It's very lame. For the most part now im usually tired, somewhat broke, and just generally pissed of about something. Fuck holding shit in, i want to get it out, and latly i have been throwing my emotions out there. It's just hard to find people i trust enough to tell. There are a few in fremont i trust with anything, but the one i usually go to for advice, and he is in bootcamp. It is somewhat late, and im a little buzzed, so i think i am going to go to bed. I will edit this tommorow with more shit.
Well i have completed my first few days of frozen and it is alright. I mean i didnt like the fact that he gave me a truck to do withen three hours (takes an hour to sort, and do icecream which took a wee bit longer then an hour and a half) I did have help but i wasnt able to get it done.The only bad thing is that it gets kinda lonley back there. After this week im done skipping classes, i have to refocous myself and look at the end results. I really need to work on getting all this shit done at school, and no skip because i dont want to end up working at a factory for the rest of my life (no offense to anyone). One thing that has been pissing me off are old ladies driving talking on their Cell Phones. I almost hit by one the other day, and she could barley see over the steering wheel, and she had a cell phone in her hand. Fuck that, A) old ladies shouldn't be driving. B) if you can see over the wheel then dont fucking drive. When i get frusterated, or just upset i start to cuss alot, but yeah im going to start speaking my mind more, im sick of just holding everything in.
yours truly,
Scott McDemitt
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